Me vs. Heartbreaks

Jan 2, 2012, 12:04 am

To my future husband

Dear,

I write this letter to you to show you how hopelessly romantic I am.  (*wink2) I want you to know what Love means to me, so as to assure you that I’ll remain faithful as a wife. This is embarrassing, but you have to know that I’m writing this out of a very deep heartbreak. It’s my tragic first love. It had once been magical, but I hope my moving on would be as magical as the way I first fell in love. You should thank him my dear for if not for his disappearing, I would not have been stronger and smarter to wait for your coming.

I’m also glad that he made my life really colorful. He hadn’t been mine but at least he had made me feel hopeful and inspired. I’ll always look back to those times when he had made me feel blessed and cherished each day I wake up and before I sleep at night. I have loved him despite the pain of waiting and assuming that things will turn out all right. Because of him, I’ve learned quite a few lessons on love, and have grown quite mature for it. I should apologize if I’ll refer to him a few times in this letter. I guess you’ll have no problem with that knowing the fact that I’m officially and eternally yours.

My description is worth three words: choice, sacrifice, and eternity.

Love is a choice and it is this manner of choosing that made love exciting for the blessing of opportunities, growth and adventure. It is through this choice that we disregard our differences and deficiencies. For his case, I loved him despite of his manning up issues. I loved him and accepted the fact that he’s been seeing another lucky girl. I loved him despite of the pain that I had self-inflicted to make me realize I’ve truly loved. It is only through this experience of deepest sadness and deepest happiness that we can truly call it love. In my case as of now, without him and in solitary, I still choose to love him and accept the fact that he has totally (but I hope not) erased our memories.

Love is sacrifice. It is that willingness to give a part of yourself for the person you love. You invest emotions, time, money, and your future for that person.  Love entails risks. But then it should also not just plain painful sacrifice. It should entail your own enrichment and growth. When two people fall in love, you grow together, mature together, and make your life more beautiful together. It is also through this sacrifice that you accept reality. Despite all the distance and absence, I swallowed the fact that he can never be mine and still continue to love. I accepted that the love will only be reciprocated by another love, and it is through this hoping that I have waited for you to totally heal me. Unfair and as painful as it is, I appreciated the premonition that one day, if ever our paths will meet again, I’ll be seeing him happy and satisfied. And surely, when that day comes, I will be clinging to your arms, feeling luckier and happily smiling for the prize I have long waited for.

Love is eternal. You just don’t wake up feeling in love and sleep the next day to forget about it. You choose to love everyday and it is only through the meeting of a better man, YOU, that the love is dimmed for the first and made even greater for the latter. We don’t cease to love as feelings never die that easily. From time to time, we remember and feel glad about those times that we have met amazing persons who changed our life, made us smarter, stronger, and more mature. We can do nothing but be thankful for it happened at one time when we’ve never expected that somebody would mean the world to you. It doesn’t always happen and it is this mystery and infrequency that makes love a truly wonderful experience. It enriches the body and soul with good thoughts, nice words, and compassionate actions. It enables us to appreciate our surroundings and love others more through the love that is reciprocated by that special someone. Luckily, God gave me you who truly made me feel contented and at the same time empowered to love others the same way as you do.

It is through this feeling that I’m giving my faith to you as your wife. I can’t give you all my trust dear since it can always be broken. But faith is stronger and more important than trust for it strengthens not only the commitment in marriage but us as partners, as husband and wife. It is my choice to give my hand to you and commit myself to be with you in all our trials, to make sacrifices at the same time enrich our life together, to be your best friend, to love you, serve you, and be with you forever. I’ll always thank God for giving me such a wonderful blessing. True enough as they say, good things come to those who wait. I love you.

Love lots,

Just your wife : )

Me vs.Tummy talks

I've been sorting some of my albums when I discovered some great gastronomic stills. It took me out of my senses and produced an inevitable wild chaos within my ten-chambered tummy. It was so violent that it suddenly made me fight the urge to dial McDonalds knowing that it would be too foolish since I'm between the great valley of Green and Gold. *yeah!

So to share that Tummy talk with you and to let our tummies have munchy intercourse and foodgasms with each other, I'm sharing them here. They are so far my best foodie finds in my 19 years of existence.

Warning: The following pictures are not for the HUNGRY. It may cause stomach turbulence due to an alien trapped within your systems. It might steal your food so watch out. Otherwise, consult your ob-gyne. You might be pregnant. har-har.

The Best Feasts

I will never trade my Mama's New Year feast! Look at how the lechon Kawali invites you to a midnight foodgasm. Fancy and erotic. 

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Dampa offers the best variety of seafood treats in the Metro. I'm always glad to be back! :)

One of the few great things I look back at home. The Barrio feast! I think grilled liempo has been the family's staple food since the old days. Not included in this list are Gilligan's family combos. I just can't get enough of it! :)

The Best Pizzas and Pastas

Special Pizza

Italian Sausage Parmigiana

I'll never forget my experience at A Venetto Napoli Pizzeria Ristorante at Timog Avenue. The servings are HUGE and pretty affordable!

Me vs. The Disappearing Man

The book that killed me...

...NOT!

I'm reading again, and 2 nights ago I literally stumbled upon this book along my cousin's amazing clutter. *peace sign for Ivy :)

It is a piece made from heaven, a savior of my month long queries on love and self. I find this book easy-to-read and absorbing at the same time. It made me feel that we ladies are God's ultimate masterpieces although God is not directly mentioned in this long witty narrative. And how we, the freshest and most beautiful apples hiding behind the leaves of the tree of Venus, should not waste our time on undeserving cowardly men who'll never find us anyway because they're busy looking down and finding the rotten apples along the dirt and mud and screwing them afterwards. *peace sign for those few legendary good men :) 

I appreciate the fact that it relates realities of that not-so-complex world. Men are not supposed to be confusing, but they would like us to think they are. They are giving their signs of disinterest, but we're just too kind and understanding to ignore them. 

It slapped me back to reality. While I was reading it, I saw images of myself hopelessly looking at my cellphone for minutes, checking my phone for his texts, updating my facebook just to check if he's online and more. Then I thought during the paramount of my enlightenment that all of these have to end. Otherwise, I might find myself still doing the same that I'd fail to see myself delusional. I have to break the habit before it gets worst.

The best part of the book is how it tackled different actions of men and how these should be taken into consideration. Here are some helpful quotes that made me go loco:

Wasting time with the wrong person is just time wasted.  

When a guy is into you, he lets you know it. He calls, he shows up. 

Men are not complicated, although we’d like you to think we are.

Don’t waste the pretty. 

There is no such thing as "He Doesn’t Want to Ruin the Friendship” excuse 

I should be guilty for making this excuse for him a lot of times. Gone were the days of brotherhood. :(

There is no such thing as "He wants to Take it slow" excuse

If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t  keep you guessing, because he’ll want to make sure you don’t go frustrated and go away. :(

He's just not that into you if he's not calling you. Men know how to use the phone.

Ouch. :(

The but "He's got a lot on his mind" excuse

A lot. Maybe a Lot. But at least he could have told me! Or perhaps I'm being immature to think that way.. Alright, I'm being too kind again. :(

The “He just says things he doesn’t mean” Excuse.

 When he tells you he'll call tomorrow or later that night but never did, toss the hopes away. Been there and it hurts. :(

The “But He’s Very Important ” excuse

Men are never too busy to get what they want.:(

And Finally,

He’s just not that into you if he disappeared on you.

My checklist,

Sometimes you have to get closure yourself

He might be lying in the hospital with amnesia, but more likely he's just no that  into you.

No answer is your answer

Don’t give him the chance to reject you again

Let his mother yell at him,. You’re too busy

There’s no mystery – he’s gone and he wasn’t good enough for you.

 This book stabbed a dagger straight into the abyss of my heart. But it obviously didn't kill me. As they always say, what does not kill you makes you stronger. I'll live and love more with that.

 

Me vs. Vanity

I'm not vain. In fact, I loathe the word vain. It reminds me of skinny models or plastic surgery-rich Korean finger-pointy girls. (Yeah! Right!) But from time to time, I think about it as an ideal self.

I should admit that I really have a low self-esteem. Who wouldn't given the "skinny-is-sexy" and "big boobs and J.Lo Butt" crazed society? I don't have those! I'm a man trapped in a woman's body! (Kidding :))

But good thing I got my own set of pretty girls who never fail to let me do the self-esteem reevaluation. They have better fashion sense than mine (I don't even think I have fashion sense! Crap!). So when boredom strikes, they do dolls - Human Dolls. And since I'm the poor "losyang" warrior, I ended up being dressed and quite forced (not really) to do the pose.

I can't stand the pumps! So I've posed barefooted. toe exposure fail :)))

Best shot? Hear or Shame? I really hate my hair. haha

These dresses aren't mine. They are my cousin's. Just so you know. :)

Me vs. Red Velvet

I am the queen of cram, and when I cram, this is a typical sight.

When my neurons lose up its electromagnetic energy, there's a sudden craving wave that keeps me drooling for some sweet dreams. I'm quite weight conscious and I always try my best to resist the temptation. But most of the time, I lose. I think those Red velvet ones are stronger than my cognitive prowess.

So posted above is an evidence of being a loser. I took this pic while cramming for my Econ exams at my usual food and study haven, Xocolat Katipunan. It was sinfully orgasmic. :)